“Do you ever wonder what the future will be like?”
I turned my head to the left, gazing up to meet his forest green eyes, searching for the hidden meaning behind his question. He was not a man of many words, in fact, he said so little that many did not even know what his voice sounded like, so the suddenness of his question startled me.
I shook my head and then shrugged noncommittally. “Not really. I guess I’ve never given it much thought. I prefer to live in ‘the now.’”
I saw something flash behind his eyes, a brief flicker of pain within the depth of his soul, before he smoothed it away. He nodded and went back to staring pensively at the ceiling, clutching my hand in his tightly. I frowned at his lack of response, seeing as he had been the one who brought the question up. Had I hurt him with something I said? Was I supposed to lie to him? The future was never important to me, but I still wondered how he wanted me to respond – what I should have said.
I rolled over, snuggling my head in the crook of his neck, and like clockwork, his arm lifted to wrap around my waist and pull me closer to him. I took a deep breath, inhaling his musky, woodsy scent. His question still floated around my brain, banging against the walls I’d built, slamming from one side to another, much like a pinball, making me question our entire relationship.
Why had he asked me about the future? And, why so suddenly? Was he going somewhere? Did he plan to leave me? Did he want someone who knew what they wanted out of life? Could I be the girl he really, and truly, deserved? My heart drummed wildly in my chest and my body involuntarily tensed. I quickly tamped down my feelings, hoping I hadn’t alerted him of my unease, but it was too late. He noticed.
With a gentle hand, he lifted my chin and looked down at me. “Are you okay? What’s wrong?”
I smiled serenely, praying it’d assuage his concern. “It’s nothing. Don’t worry about it.”
He shook his head and continued to peer down at me, wrapping me tighter into his comforting embrace. “Please tell me.”
I couldn’t tell him what I didn’t even know myself. Should I say I’m scared that after two years together he could, one day, possibly just stand up and walk away, leaving me behind with nothing but memories? Could I remind him that I was never good enough, and will never be good enough, to be his? That I had no right to be the one his heart had stumbled over and stuck with? Would he forgive me for having such little faith in him and the limitless amounts of love he’s shown me countless times over?
So, I didn’t say anything. I just curled up smaller into his side, pressed my lips against his heart, and murmured, “I love you.” He pressed his face into my hair, taking a deep breath and kissed my crown.
The room was silent for a moment, comfort overtaking the need for explanation. Hours could have passed before he finally spoke again, soothing my worries and insecurities with a simple declaration.
“When I think about my future, I see you. Only you. It doesn’t matter where we are, what we’re doing, or who’s around us. The only person I need is you. I just… I just wanted you to know that I love you, and don’t plan on going anywhere, ever. I want you. I want to be with you. And if that means living in ‘the now,’ then I’ll do it. Because the only future I can imagine, and want, is the one with you by my side.”
